I would love to believe that I am a 'changed woman' post breakup (almost a year now, if the rule of SATC still applies I've got about one more month until I'm supposed to be over it) and as hard as I've tried to prove to other people that I am.. I learned today that I am still the same old Miranda. The same downer addicted Miranda. (At least it's not heroin.) Don't worry, I'm well on my way.
I ran out of illegaly purchased prescriptions about a month ago, and everyday since then has been the worst day of my life. The only way I've even been able to get through each and every day is all thanks to a little friend I like to call BOURBON. (Bourbon in the mornings, bourbon in the evenings, bourbon at homework time.) Today at school the anxiety and depression finally got to me. I was ACKtually repremanded. For being.. get this.. NEGATIVE. (Who, lil ol me?!)
Ever since school started I have been irregularly nice and happy to all of the students at beauty school. Not because I was happy to be there, but because I was the tiniest bit thankful to have human interaction with someone/anyone other than my grandmother. I guess I stopped caring about that today because I was in the worst mood ever. (Worse than the time I saw those two pink plus signs.)
I refuse to do anything I'm not good at. Which is why I tend to stick to what I know. I absolutely hate when someone is better at something than I am. I'm not good at very many things, which is why I always have to be absolutely perfect at whatever it is I AM doing. Well, acrylics are NOT my thing. After we took THREE, I repeat THREE tests this morning (one of which I got 100% on, the other tw0 99%) we started filling in acrylics on dummy hands. The hands mind you, are rubber and are very uncomfortable and awkward to hold/practice on. Obviously I wasn't very good at it. So I got.. quiet. (When I'm mad I get quiet)
Ontop of the "I can't fill acrylics, I'm worthless" feeling, another girl in the class would not shut her trap about how good' she was at it. OK, fine, she was better at it than I was, but she wasn't GREAT at it. But she thought she was. Now this girl, is a 21 year old Mexican baby mama from L.A. That alone should tell you what I'm putting up with. She is extremely loud, and always extremely wrong. About everything. Having to listen to her for 8 hours straight threw me over the edge. My teacher caught me rolling my eyes when I heard the baby mama talking about not believing in adopting dogs from the pound and wanting to breed her dog with someone else's. That's when my teacher told me I need to have a better attitude about nails and that I'm actually good at it and I can only get better through practice. That was it. I'd had it.
"Hunny, I was not rolling my eyes at YOU. Even though it is obvious that you agree with her. Ignorance comes to mind. Now, I have not complained one time. I have not huffed, I have not puffed. I have been following each and every one of your rules and I have been doing my in class work all day long without so much as a peep. I can't say the same for B***, so I'm not sure what the issue is here."
After that, her attitude toward me completely changed. I now get the feeling she isn't a fan of mine. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm going to give my sassiness a 10 for the day.
I've stopped fighting with myself. Negative IS me.
XXXO
Miranda
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