Especial

Here's the deal dummies

The only time I ever seem to write anything worth reading is when I'm extremely butt hurt (hurt, not sore) about either boys or booze. Neither of which I'm currently having any problems with. For the first time in over a year. I make out with my boyfriend, watch horror movies and drink margaritas by the beach every night. I've nothing to complain about. I just can't help but notice that a few of my friends seem to have an issue with my surprise encounter with pure bliss.

"You can't write worth shit anymore." "Write something humorous and sadonic NOW." "You need to write more." "You're losing it... You lost it.."

WRITE! WRITE! WOOOMP WOOOMP.

What the fuck ever dudes. Maybe if my best friend wasn't constantly texting me, saying how bad I suck,.. that it's only all down hill from here.. well maybe THEN I'd actually WANT to write again. (Kelly James Mullinix, this one's for you.)

Which would you like to hear about first? Would you like for me to talk about the fact that the fucking loser I fucked a few months back wants to hang out again now that I'm dating someone? (Nice try buddy, I'm far from over it. Why is it we only want what we can't have?) Or shall we discuss the 87 year old feet that I'm forced to give pedicures to only a bi weekly basis? The later shall we? The state of California thinks that you should know how to give a fucking mani pedi if you want to cut hair for a living. They also want you to know how to give facials and wax the mustache off of 42 year old single women. (And sometimes their chin.) Give me a hairy back or wannabe 70s porn star vagina to wax anyday. PLEASE give me a vagina to wax. Taint, balls, whatevssss. Waxing anything would be better than giving a pedicure to the feet of an 80 year old.

Sure the conversations you have while giving pedicures and manicures are extremely entertaining, but they don't make up for the fact that I permenantly smell like an old woman's feet. Even after I've showered twice. Do you know that smell? The smell of death? It's vomit inducing.

On a side note, my son is going through momma withdrawals. I've been home about three times in the past two weeks, and even then it's only been for a limited time (to switch out clothes from my overnight bag) so my cat has decided to shit everywhere. Yes, my grandmother picks it up.. but all she does is throw it in the toilet. And doesn't flush. So lucky me, I get to come home to a toilet full of cat shit. Can you make sense of the fact that she doesn't flush after she tosses poop in my toilet? I can't!

I hope I don't make it past 63. Geriatrics. FUUUUCK.

XXXO
Miranda